Lavender Marriages: Compliance or Resistance?

The term “lavender marriage” refers to a marriage that is usually between a “cis-gender man and woman” like any other “heteronormative” marriage in Indian society. However, the thing that makes it different is the purpose with which it is done- ‘to hide the socially stigmatised sexual orientation of one or both parties in the marriage’. This might sound like a new term for a new phenomenon that is happening in the world; however, the case of the first lavender marriage was recorded in 1955 when Rock Hudson and Phyllis Gates got married (Mohrbeck, 2023). There are primarily two kinds of lavender marriage as shown in the figure below.

Kinds of Lavender Marriages

In Fashion, the pressure from his family and society led Rahul, a gay fashion designer, to marry Janet, a cisgender heterosexual model and old friend, against his sexual orientation. He also feared coming out and owning his identity due to the illegal nature of homosexuality in India during the time. In the movie, Rahul’s sexual life post his marriage has been kept a secret while the couple leads a "happy" consensual asexual marriage. Even after the decriminalisation of homosexuality in India, there exists societal and familial intolerance towards the issue, which forces non-heterosexual people to stay closeted. Therefore, they seek out lavender marriage as a solution to get rid of the “marriage pressure” from their families. This is exactly what happens in Badhaai Do, where Sumi and Shardul, two homosexual people, get married to each other and consensually engage in extramarital homosexual affairs outside of marriage, while pretending to be a regular married couple in front of their families and society.

Moving on to the compliance bit in the lavender marriages, this segment will talk about how lavender marriages comply with societal norms and what impact that has on the people in the marriage (mostly the homosexual partners in the marriage). Lavender marriage follows the already set heteronormative aspect of a traditional Indian marriage so it fits completely well in society without facing much criticism from the outside world, as the “taboo sexuality” of the married couple remains hidden. This ensures the couple equal rights as any other married couple, as a reward for this compliance. Rights that they can have exclusively as a heteronormative married couple since homosexual marriages still remain illegal in India (Ellis-Petersen, 2023). People in lavender marriages can access the benefits of banks, hospitals, and various other sectors without facing societal scrutiny in India, as their union conforms to the status quo.

According to Neville and Henrickson (2009), nurses are ethically obligated to respect each patient's gender and sexual identity, ensuring that medical treatment remains unbiased unless identity-related care is required. However, the reality of heteronormative assumptions within these services often leads to discriminatory experiences for openly queer individuals. This disparity prompts queer people in lavender marriages to question whether concealing their identity is truly a loss, as it allows them to navigate societal systems more easily while maintaining access to essential services. However, this does take a toll on the identity of the homosexual person in the marriage as they might start questioning why they need to be in this facade in order to access their life as an equal citizen of Indian society.

Despite being a false soothing for the homosexuals and being clearly in compliance with Indian society, lavender marriages present a very bold resistance by challenging the classical concept of marriage. The couple in lavender marriage has a relationship of friendship, trust and loyalty with each other without the expectation of anything sexual. This brings to light the other primary pillars of marriage which are equally important but are not given much attention in a traditional marriage, as the promise to claim the body of your partner wings over all of these factors. The "sanctity of the institution of marriage" is secretly dismissed, as a form of resisting the system that unapologetically excludes queer people from exercising their basic human rights.

In Indian society, the right for a queer person to legally marry their same-sex partner is sadly still infringed. Therefore queer people go for the next best option so they can take benefits of the Indian services without dealing with the burden that comes with being queer in Indian society. So, despite being compliant to the classical concept of marriage, it is a bold resistance and shows the world a new variation of companionship.

---

Bibliography

• Mohrbeck, S., 2023. The history of lavender marriages and how they protected queer Hollywood stars. [online]. Available at: https://gcn.ie/lavender-marriages-queer-hollywood-stars/#:~:text=Another%20example%20of%20a%20famous,and%20his%20secretary%20Phyllis%20Gates.&text=Other%20notable%20marriages%20include%20actress,Tennessee%20Williams'%20with%20Frank%20Merlo [Accessed 14th February 2025].

• Neville, S. and Henrickson, M., 2009. The constitution of ‘lavender families’: a LGB perspective. Journal of Clinical Nursing, 18(6), pp.849-856. DOI: https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1365-2702.2008.02457.x

• Ellis-Petersen, H., 2023. India’s supreme court declines to legally recognise same-sex marriage. [online]. Available at: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2023/oct/17/india-same-sex-gay-marriage-supreme-court-decision-verdict [Accessed 14th February 2025].

This research article is brought to you by © The Gal Gala.